deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #376 |
(DEEP SIGH)
OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY PLACE I CAN B HEARD IS MY DIARY. SEEMS LIKE LATELY EVEN MY PRAYERS DUN GET LISTENED TO. I DUNNO WHT THE PROBLEM IS. I DUN CARE WHO IT IS, NOBODY IS THERE ANYMORE. NOT EVEN MY EX, WHO I THOUGHT WUD B HERE FOREVER OVER EVERYBODY. SHE DOESNT EVEN CARE. ITS NOT THAT SHE DOESNT HAVE TIME, ITS THT WEN SHE DOES HAV TIME SHE CHOOSES NOT TO TALK TO ME AND USES THE SAME EXCUSE. IVE BEEN FEELING SO DIFFERENT LATLEY. MY HIGHS R EXTREMELY HIGH AND MY LOWS.....ARE THE LOWEST. BUT AGAIN, NOONE TO CARE. NO TEXTS NO FONE CALLS. MY SQUAD SPLIT UP, ME AND MY SISTER ALMOST FOUGHT AND STOPPED TALKING FOR GOOD. IVE BEEN FEELING SO UNINSPIRED. I THINK I NEED A POETRY NIGHT OR SUMTHN BCUS IVE NEVER FELT LIKE I REALLY HAVE NOOOOONE, ITS ALWAYS BEEN AT LEAST 2 PPL I HAD BESIDES MY SQUAD. NOW I DUN EVEN HAVE A SQUAD. SO MANY OF MY FRIENDSHIPS I LET GO OF. I LOOK AT THINGS DIFFERENTLY. IVE BEEN THREATENED, LIED TO , TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, AND BACKSTABBED ALL WITHIN A WEEK. RIGHT NOW I AM AT AN ULTIMATE LOW. I NEED A GET AWAY A A A I DUNNO JUS SUMTHN. I DUN WANNA B HERE. NOT JUS HOME, BUT IN MY SKIN PERIOD. IVE HAD THOUGHTS OF HURTING SUM1 VERY BADLY AND THTS NOT MY CHARACTER. I THINK IM HONESTLY GOIN CRAZY. AND AGAIN, NOONE HERE. NOONE TO EVEN LISTEN. IT REALLY HURT HEARING FROM MY EX. SHE TOL ME SHE DOESNT WANT TO ARGUE WITH ME, I DIDNT WANT TO ARGUE, I GENUINELY WANTED HER TO TALK TO ME, TELL ME HOW SHES BEEN WHT HAS BEEN BOTHERING HER. EVEN THOUGH SO MUCH IS GOIN ON WITH ME I WANTED TO KNO HOW I CUD HELP WHTS GOIN ON WITH HER. SHE TOL ME I WAS BN DRAMATIC. MAYB I AM, BUT MAYB I HAVE A GUD REASON. I HAVENT SPOKEN TO REALLY ANYONE ABOUT ANYTHING IMPORTANT IN MONTHS. GRADUATION IS COMING UP AS WELL. I HAVE A 4.0. U WUD THINK IM HAPPY ABOUT IT. BUT IM NOT. IM DEPRESSED I FEEL ALONE AND THERES NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT. NOW TO THE CHERRY ONTOP, SKEWL IS OUT AND ILL B STUCK IN THE F&KN HOUSE, WITH A LICENSWE BUT NO CAR. UGH . I WAS HANGING WITH MY GINO FOR A WHILE BUT EVEN HER. NOONE.................... ILL WRITE LATER
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
CLOSED EMOTIONALLY |
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Qween
Poet Rockstar
Registered: Dec 24, 2005
Posts: 1,400
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Reply with quote | #377 |
I'M SORRY U FEELIN DOWN IN THE DUMPS . . . I WISH I COULD PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE . . U SHOULDA CALLED ME. I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD SINCE I BEEN OFF WORK. 3 WEEKS AND CCOUNTING. . . BUT I AM PRAYING FOR YOU. AND I AM ALWAYS HERE. ALWAYS IS THE MAGIC WORD.
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"Self-love is often rather arrogant than blind; it does not hide our faults from ourselves, but persuades us that they escape the notice of others.” ~ Samuel Johnson |
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #378 |
ugh I HATE EVERYTHING ND EVERYONE.
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
CLOSED EMOTIONALLY |
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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| June 06, 2009 at 09:08 AM |
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Reply with quote | #379 |
UPDATE, I GOT PUT OUT FOR A WHILE, GOT INTO IT BADLY WITH MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER, BOUNCED AROUND, AND I THINK I WAS ABLE TO GET A RESPONSE FROM ABOUT.....SIX PPL WHO NOT EVEN CAME TO GET ME BUT HELPED ME SORT THINGS OUT AND THE ONES WHO WERE ABLE TO COME GET ME SURE DID COME GET ME. BASICALLY I HAVE COME TO WHERE I SEE WHO WAS HERE FOR A SEASON AND WHO chose TO ONLY B HERE FOR A SEAWN. ITS SAD ACTUALLY LO, NO IM NOT SAD, ITS SAD HOW PPL OPERATE NOW A DAYS. MY FRIEND ANNA TOLD ME THIS
"SOMETHING IN ME IS SCARED OF LONLINESS.....AND OF MAYBE LOSING MYSELF WITHIN THE NOTHING THAT COMES UP WHEN YOU DECIDE TO CHANGE THE STRUGGLE TO GET RID OF THE LEFT OVERS THAT ARE STILL ATTACHED TO YOU. AINT IT FUNNY U GET CAUGHT UP IN A SECOND AND IT TAKES FOREVER TO BE BACK TO NORMAL.
AND THAT WAS ON POINT WHEN SHE SAID IT. I WAS GOING THROUGH A FEW THINGS AND THATS WHT SHE SAID. SHE TOL ME SHE WAS GOIN THROUGH THE SAME THINGS AS WELL.
SO MUCH BS HAS BEEN GOING ON DURING THE PAST MONTH AND ITS TAKING A SERIOUS TOLL ON ME. MY FEELINGS ARE SO HIGH THAT THE PEOPLE I DIDNT LIKE I HATE! THE PEOPLE I LIKED I LOVE AND THE PPL WHO WERE JUST "THERE" DONT EXIST ANYMORE TO ME.
SH%T CHANGES AND I THINK IM WILLING TO CHANGE RIGHT ALONG WITH THEM. MATTER PF A FACT, I DEF. AM READY TO CHANGE. IM WILLING TO CUT PPL OFF AN BE ABOUT MYSELF AND WHT MAKES ME HAPPY. EASIER SAID THAN DONE HUH? YES INDEED! HOWEVER, I BELIEVE I AM STRONG ENOUGH TO DO IT.
QWEEN!!!! I PROMISE I DIDNT FORGET ABOUT YOU, BUT THINGS HAVE BEEN ON A ROLLERCOASTER LATELY AND I HAVENT HAD TIME TO REALLY THINK FULLY AND SORT OUT ANYTHING.
AS FAR AS RELATIONSHIP.......I STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE.....LOL DUN FLATTER YOURSELF ITS NOT YOU. BUT, I STILL HAVE OR HAD FEELINGS FOR SUM1. IM SLOWLY GETTING OVER THAT AND ITS GETTING EASIER TO ELIMINATE THE FAKE PPL IN MY LIFE.........
WELL I DUN FEEL LIKE TALKING TO MUCH SOOOOOOOOOO, ILL LEAVE THIS HERE.
LATER
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
CLOSED EMOTIONALLY |
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Qween
Poet Rockstar
Registered: Dec 24, 2005
Posts: 1,400
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| June 08, 2009 at 06:42 AM |
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Reply with quote | #380 |
YOU KNO I UNDERSTAND. LIKE I SAID BEFORE "ALWAYS" IS THE MAGIC WORD. SO WHEN U ARE READY, KNO THAT MY PHONE AND TXT IS OPEN TO RECEIVE WHATEVER IT IS COMING FROM U. LOVE U ALWAYS
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"Self-love is often rather arrogant than blind; it does not hide our faults from ourselves, but persuades us that they escape the notice of others.” ~ Samuel Johnson |
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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| June 18, 2009 at 04:23 PM |
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Reply with quote | #381 |
I WANT TO SAY FORGET IT AND JUS DO WHAT I BEEN DOING. I DUN KNO Y I FEEL LIKE WEN I GIVE HER ATTENTION SHE ACTS SO UNINTERESTED. BUT WEN I'M WITH SUM1 OR DUN TALK TO HER AS MUCH ITS A DIFFERENT STORY. I HATE THAT. THE FACT THAT I WANT TO SAY FORGET YOU BUT THEN SAY I LOVE YOU, Y AREN'T U PAYING ATTENTION TO ME. LOL WEIRD. Y DOES THT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? THEN EVERYONE WANTS TO KNO Y IM SINGLE, Y I DUN TALK TO THIS AND THAT PERSON, BUT THIS IS WHY, I DUN GET IN RETURN WHT I GIVE OUT. AND IT HURTS. IS ANYBODY ABLE TO RECEIVE AND RECIPROCATE? NOT SURE WHT IT IS BUT I FEEL LIKE CUTTIN GPPL OFF AGAIN. THEN I WONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR PPL. WEN I STOP TALKN TO SUM1 EVENTUALLY THE GET ERASED AND AFTER REPEATING THAT, I NO LONGER AM PHASED BY WHT PPL SAY OR DO TO ME. I CARE NOT A BIT WHO LEAVES AND STAYS. BUT THTS THE THING. I CANT NOT TALK TO HER. NOT SURE WHY. BUT WHT EVER. MAYB MY FEELINGS ON M,Y SLEEVE HAVE SUMTHN TO DO WITH IT? TECHNICALLY I BEEN SINGLE SINCE LAST DAMN JUNE. YEP THE 30TH OF JUNE TO B EXACT. I GUESS I WAS HAPPY WITH IT. NOW??? NOT SURE. HOWEVER I LEARNED TO LEAVE CERTAIN THINGS OUT OF MMY DIARY ENTRY SO..............LATER
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
CLOSED EMOTIONALLY |
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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| June 20, 2009 at 10:29 AM |
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Reply with quote | #382 |
I ASKED Y SHE DOESNT RESPOND TO ME. CUS LATELY IVE NOTICE SHE DOESNT TALK TO ME MUCH ABOUT ANYTHING. ANYTHING. AND YEA THATS NOT NORMAL. EVEN WEN I SEE HER IT FEELS DISTANT. SHE SIAD SHE HASNT BEEN IN THE MOOD FOR FEELINGS AND TOL ME NOT TO TAKE IT PERSONAL. LMMFAO REALLY???? HOW DO U NOT TAKE SUMTHN LIKE THT PERSONAL? THT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE. I WANT TO SAY HOW I REALLY FEEL BUT WEN I DO SHE THINKS I OVERREACT. AND ITS BAD ENOUGH SHE DOESNT TALK TO ME NOW. I DUN WANT AN ARGUMENT. I JUS FEEL UNIMPORTANT.
THEN AGAIN, I AM VERY IMPORTANT TO SUM PPL. LIKE MY FRIEND SHAWN I LOST CONTACT WITH. SHE TALKS TO ME ABOUT EVERYTHING. ALL PROBLEMS AND I HELP HER SOLVE THEM. EVEN MY FRIEND GINO SEEMS FAR AWAY. I USE TO FEEL LIKE I WASNT READY TO MOVE TO SOUTH CAROLINA. NOW I COUNT DOWN THE DAYS AND I CANT WAIT TILL I GET THERE. NUTHN IS HERE FOR ME IT SEEMS. I START WORK ON MONDAY. MY COLLEGE ORIENTATION IS WEDNESDAY. MY BROTHER IS IN JAIL FOR POSSESSION. ND HERE I AM.
MAYB I AM ON THE WRONG ROAD. HAVE THE WRONG FRIENDS. MAYB I SHUD STOP TALKN TO EVERYONE ND START OVER. I DUN WANT TO. ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO JUST STAY WHERE I AM. HOWEVER. THE HARDEST THING TO DO IS ALWAYS THE BEST. OR IS IT? IM SUPPOSE TO GO TO THE CLUB TONIGHT. I NEED IT. IM ABOUT TO GRAB MY BOTTLE OF MOJITO ND FINISH IT OFF.
THI WHOLE WEEK HAS BEEN A BLUR, IF U KNO WHT I MEAN. BUT AT LEAST IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. I FEEL IMPORTANT THEN. I FEEL LIKE I CAN DO SUMTHN ON MY OWN TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL GUD. SO I DO. ND IVE BEEN DOING IT FOR THIS WHOLE WEEK.
BUT AGAIN, WHO CAN I TALK TO BOUT IT? NOBODY HAS TIME REALLY. I KNO NOW HOW MY FRIEND EB FEELS. YOU ANTICIPATE A CALL OR A MESSAGE OR SUMTHN JUST TO REST ASSURE THAT SOMEBODY IS THINKING ABOUT YOU OR CARES ABOUT UR WHEREABOUTS. AND U DUN GET IT,. U FEEL ALONE. I FEEL BAD WHEN I CANT TALK TO HER BCUS NOW I KNO THAT FEELING BUT. AT LEAST I TRY, AND WEN I DO TALK TO HER, WE STOP TALKING WEN SHE IS READY NOT WEN I GET TIRED. SHE LISTENS TO ME AND I LISTEN TO HER AND HELP HER ANY WAY I CAN. BUT I CANT B THERE LIKE SHE REALLY NEEDS ME TO BE. SHE NEEDS SUMTHN ELSE. SHE JUS DOESNT KNO IT YET.
SO MAYB ALL O FTHIS IS TELLING ME I NEED TO STO PWORRYING ABOUT MY EX. FOCUS ON SUMTHN ELSE. LET HER DO WHT SHE WANTS ND DUN MAKE HER FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. IT ACTUALLY MAKES ME MAD THT I CANT VOICE TO HER OR ON HERE ABOUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS SITUATION LOL. IT PISSES ME OFF ACTUALLY. I FEEL LIKE IM BITING MY TONGUE. BUT U KNO WHT. MAYB I SHOULD SAY SUMTHN. SUPPOSE I DO SAY SUMTHN. THEN WHT?
WE'LL JUS ARGUE AND NOT SPEAK FOR WEEKS AS ALWAYS. THEN WHT. WE WILL B RIGHT BACK HERE. HER DENYING HOW SHE FEELS FOR HER EX, WHICH ALSO PISSES ME OFF I FEEL LIKE, MY FEELINGS R ON THE LINE, WHY NOT B HONEST WITH ME? ME ND MY GF BROKE UP CUS SHE FELT MY EX WAS STEPPIN ON HER TOES ND SHE FELT SHE HAD TO WORK OVERTIME TO KEEP ME. THT HURT. AND NOW HERE I AM, AND WHERE IS MY EX? NOWHERE. SHES IN HER FEELINGS ABOUT HER EX WHO BY THE WAY IS THE REASON WE BROKE UP. BUT I CANT SAY THT TO HER WITHOUT HER YELLING OR GETTN MAD.
WAS I OVERREACTING AGAIN? SORRY ABOUT THT. OR MAYB THTS HER PROBLEM. THE TRUTH HURTS. U THINK THTS Y SHE GETS SO MAD AT ME?? LOL. DUN KNO. WHT EVER THE CASE MAY BE IM TIRED OF GUESSING AND WONDERING AND ITS ADDING MOR EONTO WHT I ALREADY FEEL.
IM CONFUSEDB ABOUT ALOT OF THINGS. ALOT OF THINGS. ALMOST EVERYTHING. LIKE Y EVERYBODY I CARE ABOTU GETS TAKN AWAY. IS THT FOR ME? R THEY SUPPOSE TO B OUT OF MY WAY? DID I TAKE TOO MUCH CARE OF MY BROTHER? IS THT Y HIS LIFE COULD POSSIBLY BE GONE? BUT THE THING IS, THTLL JUST GIV ME MORE TO WORRY ABOUT. ILL WORRY ABOUT HIM EVERY SECOND OF EVERYDAY. AND I MISS HIM SO MUCH. I GAVE HIM MY PHONE ADN NOW I CNAT EVEN CALL HIM TO SEE HOW HE IS OR WHT HE HAS BEEN DOING WITH HISSELF.
ITS FUNNY. I NVR IMAGINED THT PPL I KNO THE LESS ABOUT R THE ONES THT TAKE THE MOST INTEREST IN ME. MY EX TIFF, ALL OF HER FRIENDS R FRIENDS WITH ME. WE HANG OUT MORE THAN THEY DID LOL. THEN I MET FRIENDS THRU THEIR FRIENDS. ADN WE AHNG OUT MORE THAN THEM. U KNO. ITS WEIRD CUS HE PPL I THOUGHT I CUD TALK TO WEN EVER R THE ONES THT SEEM A LITTLE ANNOYED WITH ME NOW.
I DUN NO HOW, I BARELY TALK TO THEM LOL. THTS THE REASON Y I WANT TO. BUT I GUESS U CANT ASK THT MUCH FROM PPL WHO TELL U THEYLL B HERE FOR U WEN EVER U NEED EM CAN U. NOPE I DUOBT IT. LOL.
WELL WHT EVER, IM DONE TALKING, MY MOVIE BOTU TO GO OFF SO ILL WRITE MORE LATER.
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
CLOSED EMOTIONALLY |
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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| June 24, 2009 at 12:07 PM |
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Reply with quote | #383 |
Who can i b vulnerable with? I guess Vulnerable means selfish in the eyes of an outsider. What do u consider a friend? sumone u can vulnerable with? think about it.......i THOUGHT A FRIEND KNOWS U BEST? SO IF THEY MISTAKE UR INTENTIONS MAYB THEY ARENT UR FRIEND OR IS IT MAYB THEY DUN KNO U LIKE U THINK THEY DO. WHICH MAKES U WANT TO REEVALUATE WHO U KEEP IN UR CIRCLE HUH?
IVE BEEN THINKING. AT FIRST I WAS WORRIED ABOUT WHO I AM LEAVING BEHIND. BUT NOW, I DUN CARE. I WISH I COULD CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING AS MUCH AS I CARE ABOTU EVERYBODY ELSE'S. I FEEL ALONE ALOT OF TIME.S LIKE NOW. I FEEL MISUNDERSTOOD AND ALONE. AND THE FRIEND I had, I THOUGHT I CUD EXPRESS THT TOO. SHE SAYS I MAKE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. BECUS NOONE TAKES THE TIME TO SEE ABOUT ME, AND IF THTS BEING SELFISH THEN O THE FU&& WELL. IM SORRY I FEEL LIKE TH EOWRLD OWES ME SUMTHN. IM SORRY I FEEL LIKE I DUN GET ENOUGH ATTENTION. SORRY
SORRY I ACTUALLY WANT TO KNO WHT MY "FRIENDS" ARE UP TO OR IF THEY EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT ME TODAY. SELFISH I AM.
ENUFF VENTING I DUN FEEL ANY BETTER YET SO I DUN HTINK I WILL
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
CLOSED EMOTIONALLY |
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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| June 25, 2009 at 12:49 PM |
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Reply with quote | #384 |
HEY THERE MY POETRI FAMILY. ITS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS THT A GIRL GOES THRU WEN IM ANGRY INSIDE I DUN WANNA TAKE IT OUT ON U. JUS ONE OF THEM DAYS. DUN TAKE IT PERSONAL. I JUS WANT TO B ALONE AND U THINKI TREAT YOU WRONG, DUN TAKE IT PERSONAL. YA UNDERSTAND LOL.
SO GET READY FOR A ROLLERCOASTER WEEK WITH ME, OF MY EXTREME LOWS AND EXTREME HIGHS OK?!?!?!.
SO HERE GOES FOR THE HIGHS, I THIN YESTERDAY WAS A LOW LOL.
DID I TELL U THT I AM OFFICIALLY A STUDENT AT SOUTH CAROLINA STATE UNIVERSITY? NO? WELL I AM DAMMIT! DID I TELL U THT I DESPERATELY STILL WANT TO MOVE TO CALIFORNIA? THE WHOLE WEST HOLLYWOOD AREA OR LOS ANGELES IS DEF. MY THING. YA KNO. AND AS FOR FLORIDA. OMG I WAN TO B THERE TOO. FORT LAUDERDALE OR MIAMI I DUN CARE I JS WNT TO B THERE. MORE AND MORE I THINK ABOUT THE ARMY THE MORE AND MORE I LIKE TH EIDEA. THE ONLY HTING IS I HAVE TO HIDE WHO I AM, AND IT BOTHERS ME CUS I DUN KNO IF I CAN DO THT. I GUESS THT MEANS JUS DUN B SO FLAMBOYANT? I CAN DO THT. BUT NNOMORE PRIDES, NOMORE GAY CLUBS MAYBE? NO KISSING MY GF IN PUBLIC NO HOLDING HANDS, ONLY OON SECLUDED PLACES LLS. SO ROMANTC HUH?
WELL I GUESS ITS SUMTHN ILL HAVE TO DO IF I REALLY WANT TO DO THIS. (DEEP BREATHE)
WELL COLLEGE HERE I CUM HUNNI AND I AM READY FOR U. ARE U READY FOR ME? HUH HUH HUH? U READY ? U FEELIN LUCKY PUNK? WELL HERE I CUM. BUT SUMTHN ABOUT BN IN THE SOUTH CREEPS ME OUT. IDK WHY. I GUESS CUS I ALWAYSS.............U KN WHT IM NOT GONNA GO THERE. IM IN MY HAPPY PLACE RIGHT NOW LOL. WELL I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO BN IN COLLEGE AND MAYB FOR THE TIME BN I CAN JUS VISIT FLORIDA AND CALIFORNIA? I WOULD LOV ETO. I REALLY HOPE I CAN. IM LOOKING FORWARD TO ALL OF THT.
OH AND I HAVE GOOD NEWS ABOUT THE MUSIC STUFF IM BOUT TO HOP BACK IN. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HERE IT GOES
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
CLOSED EMOTIONALLY |
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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| July 12, 2009 at 07:14 AM |
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Reply with quote | #385 |
OK SO DIARY I WENT TO ORIENTATION FOR SOUTH CAROLINA AND I MET SUM NEW PPL AND ACTUALLY I THINK THEY WILL B MY SCHOOL "CREW"
TJ
JASMINE-NOT SO MUCH
BREANNA-NOT SO MUCH
DENIQUA
LEAH
ERSKINE
NATE
AND WE HAD FUN, THE FOOD IS SO GOOD ND I JUS LOVE IT!
SO THE PAST FEW MONTHS IVE BEEN HANGING WIT A GIRL I USE TO TALKK TO. HER NAME..............WELL WHT EER
BUT SHES GROWING ON ME ND IM SCARED OUT MY DAMN MIND. I WANT HER. BUT I WANT TO CONTINUE TO LIVE HOW LIVE BUT SHES MOVING TO CHARLOTTE. IDK HOW THT WILL WORK BUT WHT EER. I DUN FEEL LIKE WRITING MUCH SO
LATER
__________________
OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
CLOSED EMOTIONALLY |
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Qween
Poet Rockstar
Registered: Dec 24, 2005
Posts: 1,400
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| July 31, 2009 at 07:55 PM |
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Reply with quote | #386 |
i haven't heard from you ina mighty long time. . i feel a lil neglected. . . but i am praying fo ryou. . i' glad you are liking the school. and i'm glad youare forming a "crew" . . lol . . i pray you are successul in all you plan to do.
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"Self-love is often rather arrogant than blind; it does not hide our faults from ourselves, but persuades us that they escape the notice of others.” ~ Samuel Johnson |
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #387 |
OK SO IM IN SOUTH CAROLINA AND I SIGN IN TO MY DORM
UGH I WANT TO GO RIGHT NOW BUT ILL POST WHT I WROTE FOR THE 5 DAYS I WAS NOT AT HOME........ UP UNTIL NOW
DAY 1
count down to me going to college. i left this mornign to go to ms. sabrina house.
i constantly listen to maxwell's possum playing. idk y but my heart hurts like hell. i feel .............alone......i feel selfish for wanting somebody to listen to me or hold me or show me attention or anything, acknowledge the fact that i am going through a huge transition. am i meant to do this alone?
where is everyone? why cant they be here for me? what did i do to deserve this feeling? these emotions? idk wht to do. im lost. i feel everyone i loved hurt me, my parents, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, strangers, everyone.
i need me. i need to love myself. but how? i feel distracted, i feel there are some people who need love more than me and i try to give it to them . but i cant give it to myself. how is tht possible? i lvoe myself enough to not commit suicide but not enough to keep myself happy.
(sigh) its torture........mishon......lamyra.......tiffany.....where are you? i gave you the best pieces of me....my heart....erin where are you? where is everyone?
why cant they be here to tell me its going to be ok? will it?
today was wild but at this very moment i feel.......hurt. very hurt. i want to shed. i want to pour down raining but y wont i allow myself? hmmmm
well my turn o rest my eyes is near.....getting closer and closer. so i guess my thoughts too will rest until later............... gud night
DAY 2MORNING
I WAKE UP TO THE SMELL OF PANCAKES, EGGS, BACON, AND COFFEE. IM HOME. NOT THE HOME IVE BEEN OCCUPYING FOR 5 YEARS BUT THE HOME I NOW KNOW. THE HOME THAT WAS ALWAYS HOME IN MY HEART. WELL ONE OF THEM. I MISS THIS. BUT I MISS MY FRIENDS MORE. I MISS THEM LIKE A FAAT GIRL MISSES HER CHOCOLATE. I MISS THEM LIKE NO OTHER. BUT TODAY I WILL TRY TO SEE THEM. STARTING WITH EBONAE OR SUMTHN.MAYB EVEN SHADA. OR MAYB JUS THE PPL IM HOME WITH. TASHA, TINY, THE LIST GOES ON. I HAD FUN LAST NIGHT I WAS JUS TOO IN MY FEELINGS TO ADMIT THAT. BUT ILL WRITE LATER.
DAY 2 NIGHT
SO CONFUSED IS HOW I LAY HERE ACROSS MY BED. AFTER WASHING THE EUROPEAN MAYONAISE OUT OF MY HAIR I LOOK IN THE MIRRIR, AND I FINALLY FOUND HER. THE GIRL I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE. ME. BEAUTIFUL AND FULL OF PROMISE. AND I ...THE GIRL WHO LOOKS AT HER IS TOO SCCARED TO TAKE RISKS, NOTHING LIKE THE GIRL IN THE MOIRROR.
DEAR TIARA,
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSSELF BABY GIRL. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I SEE A GREAT DEAL OF SUCESS AND PERSISTANCE IN YOU MAMA., YOUR LIFE IS JUST BEGINNING. AND I PRAY THAT WHAT EVER YOU ARE GOING THROUGH YOU DO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON ANYONE AND YOU BLAME ONLY YOURSELF. I PRAY THAT ALL OF YOUR DREAMS ARE FOLLOWED AND ALL OF YOUR PRAYERS ARE ANSWER. I LOVE YOU GIRL, IM PROUD OF YOU AND CONGRATULATIONS.............
NOW BACK TO REALITY. ME AND MISHON ARE HAVING PROBLEMS. SHE PROMISED ME SO MUCH AND MY PRIDE IS SO HURT NOW . SHE IS THERE WITH HER INSTEAD OF HOME OR HERE WITH ME. NOW HER FAMILY WANT NUTHN TO DO WITH HER. STILL SHE STAYS THERE. WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR HER TO WANT TO ACTUALLY STAY WITH ME? SHE DOESNT HAVE THE FEELINGS FOR ME LIKE SHE THINKS SHE DOES.
"I WOULD DIE IF YOU LEFT. I DUN KNO WHT I WUD DO IF I DIDNT HAVE YOU. ETC ETC I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SCARED OF IT I DUN KNO WHT TO DO ETC ETC ETC" THESE ARE THE THINGS SHE TOLD ME. ALL THE LAUGHS AND SMILES WE HAD. AND IT ALL MEANT NUTHN TO YOU. NOBODY WANTS ME AS NIEVE AND SUPPORTIVE AS I AM. SO I TRY A DIFFEENT APPROACH, BUT THATS NOT ME. THATS NOT WHO I AM. SO .... LIFE GOES ON I GUESS. WITHOUT YOU. WITHOUT LAMYRA. WITHOUT TIFFANY. MAYB WITHOUT ERIN. WITHOUT ANYONE. IM STARTING OVER ONCE AGAIN. LOL BUT THIS TIME IW ONT B A FOOL. NOMORE OF MY PAST OBVIOUSLY THEY DIDNT DESERVE ME. NOW IM ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER. STARTING WOTH SELF
"I HATE MYSELF, I EXPECT YOU TO BE A 10 WEN IM AN 8 MYSELF" LOL CUTE HUH T.MILLEEEEEEEEEER
SO TOMORROW TO TAKE MY MIND OFF OF SHIT, ME AND BRANDI ARE GOING TO GET MY TONGUE AND MAYB NAVEL PIERCED. YAY! AND HOPEFULLY WITH MY BODY RECREATION, I WILL FEEL BETTER, WELL NOT ABOUT MYSELF JU BETTER PERIOD.
AGAIN, I LOVE YOU BEAUTIFUL  GUDNIGHT
DAY 3
so today i found out mishon and ashia had relations last night. or the night b4 who cares lol. point blank yea. um today was cool. i spent it with brandi and tasha. it was fun i got my tongue pierced lol yay! didnt even hurt forreal lol. we had a nice little adventure lol. anywho i saw mishon basiscally . um that was kind of blah. i gave her a hug adn two kisses on her cheek. i spoke to lamyra, and she told me she loves me  i spoke to tiffany on the phone adn everyything is in place for wednesday to take place lol. im glad we ran around to get my tongue pierced that just showed me that where i went was the best place to go actually it was. he was clean and quick. and gave me adavice on wht to do to keep it clean. i bought a few things, cute and i need to go get sommemore actually. i need a few more clothes adn underclothes and a brown belt, gold shoes, silver shoes, and god earrings. yay! i feel so grown up a little . yea i spent quite a few dollars lol. but it was worth it ya kno. and when i finish pampering myself it wil be even moore worth it. thank god he woke me up. and that whole "i found and love myself" is doing my mind good ya kno?
now its time to say gud night
so good night lol
08/10/2009
DAY 4
so today was a fairly good day. i got a few things accomplished still need toiletrees as well as under garmets but anywho. i met up with mishon when i got my hair done so we spoke for a minute. i found out aunt terri is in the hospital for cancer so i kno i need to go see her. i also plan to see my brother tomorrow adn my grandmother and visit my job again and ummmmmmmm katice and tikeah etc etc etc bottom line is i got plans lol. me and aunt brina sat up talkn for along time like we use to like old days. i was trying to convince her into keeping me, tiny, and tasha long term but ya kno . i have to plan ot how i want everything to go tomorrow though. uhm, one more day and ill b gone for a while  i wonder how ill feel when i get there? lol aunt brina so silly she was telln me about her old cat with the golden wrapper and money in his pocket sh calls her cadillac to her......sum cheap car lol
"diamond in the back sun roof top, dig in the scene with a gangsta lean oh oh" lmmfao oh that was funny. well anyway i have to gather these things for my great grandmother adn prepare my bad ass for tomorrow.
gudnight
08/12/09
DAY 5...WELL DAY 6 IN THE MORNING
OK SO MY HEAD HURT TOO BAD FOR ME TO WRITE LAST NIGHT. BUT I DIDNT GET THE CHANCE TO SEE MY BROTHER DUE TO MY DRES ?? but I HAD A CHANCE TO SEE, MY AUNT, UNCLE, OTHER BROTHER, GGMA, AUNT TERRY, COUSIN MIKA, KEVIN, TONY, AND MIKE, AND MY LITTLE BROTHER DEQUAN, I ALSO SAW NANA. AND I GOT MY GROUP TOGETHER FOR OLD TIMES SAKE AND WE CHILLED FOR A MINUTE LIKE WE USE TO DO. AND IT WAS LOVELY. BUT AT THE ENDOF THE NIGHT IT ALL FADED INTO THE BACKGROUND. EVERYONE HAD TO LEAVE AND SAY GOODBYE TO ME. SO THEY DID LOL AND I WAS IN TOO MUCH PAIN TO CRY LAST NOGHT. BUT IM NOT AFRAID TO DO IT NOW. BUT ILL WRITE LATER.
LATER
08/13
NOW IM HERE AN I WANT TO GO THE HELL HOME, MAYB CUS IM ALONE RIGHT NOW
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
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Qween
Poet Rockstar
Registered: Dec 24, 2005
Posts: 1,400
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Reply with quote | #388 |
I SEE ALOT IS HAPPENING WTH YOU . . . I PRAY ALL IS WELL . . I KNOW WE HAVE FELL OFF A LOT. . AND THAT IS PROBABLY MY FAULT. . BTU KNWO THAT I AM ALWAYS HER FOR YOU AND WITH YOU . . IF U NEED ME IN ANYWAY, YOU BETTER CALLME. . EMAILME. . SMOKE SIGNALS, SOMETHING. . LOVE YOU T . .
ALWAYS HERE
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"Self-love is often rather arrogant than blind; it does not hide our faults from ourselves, but persuades us that they escape the notice of others.” ~ Samuel Johnson |
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #389 |
im thinking about making a new thing with my new new desireblu............or mayb jus start a new thread called ....idk il; update later, now is not the time
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #390 |
(SIGH) SO DIARY ALOT HAS BEEN GOING ON LOL. I HAVE BEEN WRITING A LITTLE IN MY NOTEBOOK BUT I THINK ILL GIV U THE UPDATE AS WELL. NOT RIGHT NOW THO LOL ILL COPY THOSE ENTRIE INTO HERE. HELL, ILL DO IT NOW. GIVE ME A MINUTE.....
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #391 |
10/2-3/09 SATURDAY-SUNDAY (SAT. NIGHT SUN MORNING DUH!)
ON A VOYAGE TO FINDING MYSELF , IM BEGINNING TO FIGURE PEOPLE OUT. sO WE HAVE POOH, TAUGHT ME ALOT AND WILL ALWAYS BE APART OF ME. THEN YOU HAVE THE TIFFANYS, THE BRING OUT A DIFFERENT SIDE OF YOU BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS JUST BE YOUR HISTORY. tHE QUANS/ WHO ARE ONLY HERE TO WAKE YOU UP. THE AKIEAS. WHO SHOW YOU THAT THER ARE PEOPLE DIFFERENT IN THE WORLD. THE ANGELS ARE A REMINDER OF WHAT U CANT HAVE AND A MIXTURE OF WHT YOU WANT. THEIR OBJECTIVE IS TO BE IMPORTANT TO AS AMNY PPL AS POSSIBLE.
I AM BEGINNING TO BECOME REUNITED WITH MY FAMILY, MORE INDEPENDENT, AND ALOT OF LIFE'S LESSONS ARE UNFOLDING. NOT KNOWING WHERR YOURE FROM MAKES IT NOT IMPOSSIBLE BUT HARDER TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE MOST LIKELY HEADED. WISDOM IS DETERMINED BY THE UNREALISTIC. THOSE WWHO GIVE THEIR MINDS ROOM TO WONDER.
TRAPPED BEHIND THE BARS OF MY THOUGHTS I BECOME EMOTIONALLY IMPRISONED BY MY OWN SANITY. AFTER BEATING YOURSELF UP ABOUT YOUR MISTAKES FIND A WAY TO RESOLVE THEM AND FIX YOUR FLAWS LIFE IS COMPLICATED ENOUGH.
THE MIND RESTS WHEN YOU NO LONGER NEED IT TO WORK. I THINK 2 MUCH KNOW 2 MUCH WORRY 2 MUCH WHICH LEADS ME TO STRESS TOO MUCH. AT THE END OF THE DAY IM STILL ME. STILL HAVE 1 MILLION PLUS MORE MISTAKES TO MAKE B4 I TAKE MY .AST BREATHE.
NOT KNOWING HOW TO HANDLE A SITUATION MAT LEAD TO ANOTHER SITUATION. THINGS WE TAKE FOR GRANTED ARE MOSTLY THINGS WE MISS OUT ON FOR THE BETTER BUT THEN AGAIN.........IF ITS MEANT IT WILL BE THE PEN IS JUS AS POWERFUL AS THE TONGUE. THE MORE PEOPLE KNO THE MORE DRAMA THEY CREATE. WE ARE HELD BACK BY FEAR, MOST OF US LET FEAR DETERMINE OUR LIVES AND LIMITATIONS. WEIGHED DOWN BY THE GUILT LIES MAKE REALITY MORE SUBLIMINAL.
SO I SAY TO MY FRIENDS "THE WORLD SI FLAT AND THE GRASS IS BLUE" THEY ALL LOOK AT ME AND SAY WTF? I TOL THEM U CAN TELL HOW A PERSON THNKS BY HOW THEY RESPOND TO CERTAIN SITUATIONS. I SAID THT TO A GIRL NAMED AKIEA AND SHE REPSONDED "AND THE SKY ISNT REALLY BLUE, ITS AN ILLUSION" OMG IM IN LOVE LOL
THERE ARE 3 WOMEN IN THIS WORLD I AM DETERMINED TO MEET
AKIEA GROSS
DIANDRA MATOS ONEIL
AND ANGEL WILSON
THEY ARE AL LDIFFERENT I WOULDNT MIND NOT MEETING DIANDRA BUT AKIEA AND ANGEL. HMMMMM
IM LOOKING FOR THE ONE WHEN I SAY "THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU" THEY SAY "AND THE SUN RISES AND SETS ON YOUR TIME"
WELL THOUGHTS, I CAN REST
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #392 |
2:08 AM 4-5 SUNDAY- MONDAY
SO I LEARNED A FEW THINGS TODAY
HOOPS REALLY LIKES ME (COOL) ADN SO DOES ANGEL (COOL) WHATIS IT THAT ATTRACTS PPL TO ME SO FAST? WHY DOES ANGEL SAY THE SAME THING AS QUAN "Y U ACT LIKE U CARE" AM I TALKN TO QUAN SR? I SPOKE TO HER BESTFRIENDS AND TOL THEM ABOUT LAMYRA
I GOT MY FRIENDS BACK ME AND POOH ARE BACK COOL HER GF HATES ME, BUT I DUN GIVA FLYINF SHUT HONESTLY!!! THE ONES I WANT DUN WANT ME,, THE ONES THT GOT ME CANT KEEP ME!
GUDNIGHT TIME TO WATCH OBSESSED
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #393 |
10/06 12:59
SITTING IN CLASS I RECALL THE EVENTS OF YESTERDAY. IVE LEARNED A FEW NEW THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE. #1 I CAL THIS GIRL "COMPLICATED". COMPLICATED IS VERY ATTACHED TO ME AND BUDDY ISNT READY TO LET ME GO. ANGEL IS INTO ME. EITHER THAT OR CONTROLLING SHE TOL ME I NEED OT PUT HER FIRST :/ BURR???!!! I THINGK SHES USE TO PPL BEING ALL OVER HER, SORRY NOT MY STYLE. I MISS MY BF POOH. COMPLICATED IS GROWING ON ME MORE AND MORE I THINK I REALLY LIKE HER. SCARY.
MET A NEW FRIEND THE OTHER DAY NAMED JAY. CHILLED WIT TINI, JAS, AND COMPLICATED YESTERDAY. ANGEL COMES DOWN THURSDAY
I SEE MY NEW FRIEND TODAY OR TOMORROW???
I NOW HAVE A NEW LIST OF STANDARDS\\\
LATER
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #394 |
10/ 19 3:01 AM
SO 2DAY WAS FUN AS HELL FOR A CHANGE. I SLEPT ATE DID HOMEWORK AND HAD FUN . DID ALL THAT SOBER. SO AFTER ALL THAT STUFF ME JAS COMPLICATED TINA WE ARE ALL STILL COOL. ANGEL SPEAKS TO ME AND WANTS TO COME DOWN NEXT WEEKEND. ILL GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME. NOW, MY POETRY (POOH) IS CURRENTLY SINGLE. ME AND DENIQUA DUN SPEAK. ME SWIZZY AND ASHLYNN ARE MAD COOL. ME AND TEGA FINALLY BACK SPEAKING ME MUSHY AND TC ARE TOO. WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO BEING CONFUSED, HERE I HAVE COMPLICATED WHO IS OBLIVIOUS TO HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER BUT CONFUSES M E AS WELL. IM SCARED OF HER BUT I ALSO AM SCARED OF A FEW PPL. ALSO BUDDY IS ISNGLE NOW SO! WHT BOUT IT! I DUN WANT HER ASS!!!!! SILLY GIRL. BUT ANGEL IS STILL HEAVY ON MY MIND....WELL NOT REALLY LOL BUT KINDA BUT SO IS COMPLICATED WEIRD BUT I STILL THINK BOUT TC. ITS WEIRD CUS TC, "COMPLICATED" AND ANGEL ARE SO SIMILAR TO POOH. SO I PUSHED TC AWAY AND I STARTED TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE WITH "COMPLICATED" IDK WHT TO DO......ILL WRITE LATER
NIGHT
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #395 |
10/20 12:55
DEARJOURANL
ME AND COMPLICATED HAD A HEART TO HEART AND I LAID EVERYTHING OUT ON THE LINE. SHE TOLD ME I MUST REALLY BE HURT BECAUSE I HAVE A BIG BLOCK OF ICE AROUND MY HEART THAT SHE CANT GET TO . I PISSE DHER OFF CUS I KEPTCOMPARING HER TO MY EX POOH I CANT HELP IT. DAT WOMAN HURT ME SO BAD REALLY BROKE ME DOWN, TC MUSHY AND CRYBABY DIDNT HELP EITHER. WELL TC WAS MY FAULT. I PUSHED HER AWAY. NOT IN THE MOOD TO WRITE
LATER
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #396 |
SO JOURNAL,
THESE PAST 3 DAYS HAVE REALLY BEEN ENERGETIC? I PROMISE IM GOIGN TO ENGLISH CLASS TOMORROW MORNING. AND OF COURSE I ALWAYS GO TO MY OTHER ONES. THEN ILL STRAT GOING TO MY LAB CLASS. THEN ILL B GUD BUT I KNO IM FAILING ROTC. UNLESS SOMEHOW WITH SOME GREAT DIVINE STRENGTH MY LTC HAS MERCY ON ME AND GIVE ME A C OR SUMTHN ???? IDK HOPEFULY HE WILL DO THAT OR GIVE ME A PASSING WITHDRAWAL.
ANYWHO ON A DIFFERENT NOTE. AS I WAS TELLIN MY GOOD FRIEND NANA, THE NEXT GIRL I TALK TO HAS TO BE ON MY LEVEL. IM NOT RESTING MY STANDARDS ANYMORE. THEY HHAVE TO BE EXACTLY WHAT I WANT NOT JUS SUM1 WHO "GROWS" ON ME. THEY HAVE TO HAVE THE TYPE OF AFFECT ON ME THAT I WANT TO CONSTANTLY WRITE ABOUT. THE TYPE OF AFFECT ON ME THAT I WANT TO SING ABOUT, WRITE A POEM ABOUT, DRAW A PICTURE OF. I TALK ABOUT THEM ALL DAY AND ALL NGHT. I WANT TO WALK MILES TO THE MOUNTAIN TOP AND SING THEIR NAMES. I WANT THAT TYPE OF FEELINGS. I DUN WANT BUTTERFLIES I WANT WHITE DOVES AND STARLIGHT LILLIES WHEN THEIR NAME IS CALLED.
I WANT THEM TO COMPLETE MY SENTENCES, KNOW WHAT IM THINKING IN MY SILENCE. HOLD ME ALL NIGHT AND WARM ME WITH THEIR SMILE. I WANT IUR GAZE TO IGNIGHT A RISING FLAME EVERYONE CAN FEEL. BUT THAT TYPE OF FEELING DOESNT EXIST......THAT TYPE OF PERSON DOESNT EXIST. IT DID ONCE. BUT IT DOESNT ANY LONGER.
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FEEL HER FROM MILES AWAY AND MISS HER WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES EVEN FOR A SPLIT SECOND TO BLINK.
well ill write later......later
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #397 |
SO IM HOLDING A RANDOM CONVERSATION WITH A RANDOM STRANGER FROMA RANDOM WEBSITE LOL. OK NOT REALLY, I MET THIS PERSON AND ILL NAME HER "VIRTUOSITY" FOR THE SIMPLE FACT IM CHATTING THROUGH AIM AND YAHOO
I OFUND HER ON DOWNELINK (JUS MADE HER SOUND LIEK A PUPPY)
I WAS INTRIGUED. SHES SO OPEN (NO HOMO) AND ......OLDER???? IDK
SOUNDS EXCITING TO ME. DUN GET ME WRONG, IM NOT ON THAT TYPE OF THINKING SCALE AS FAR AS ALL THAT EXTRA STUFF IS CONCERNED. SHE JUS SEEMS LIKE AN INTERESTING CHAT BUDDY. WHICH I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF RIGHT NOW. I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS A COUPLE OF TIMES. OK SO THIS IS ONLY THE 3RD TIME BUT STIL IM DOING IT DAMMIT
FIRST TIME THE GIRL WAS FROM LOUISIANA
SECOND, COLUMBIA
NOW, CHICAGO.......
LONG DISTANCE? LIVE ON THE EDGE! LOL THAT WAY THEY CANT JUDGE U, THEY KNO NOTHING ABOUT YOU BUT WHT YU TELL THEM ....STARTING OFF.
WELL ENOUGH OF THAT ILL WRITE LATER......OH AND I THINK I HAVE A FEW SECRET ADMIRERS?????
P.S I DEFINITELY WENT TO ENGLISH CLASS TODAY....BUT MISSED MY PT TEST BUMMER. ONE MORE B4 THE SEMESTER SI OUT, IM DEF. NOT GOING TO MISS THAT ONE! AT ALL!
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
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deepdesire
Krispy Kremer
Registered: April 22, 2005
Posts: 526
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Reply with quote | #398 |
SO I ASKED A FEW PPL TO WRITE ME LETTERS. ILL GO INTO DETAIL LATER CUS ITS TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING. ALL IM GOING TO SAY IS ONE HAS BEEN BURNED....1 HAS BEEN FOLDED DOWN. 2 HAVE BEEN GIVEN BACK AND ONE IS STILL UP AS A REMINDER. ONLY SEVEN OUT OF 12 ARE STILL UNTOUCHED GUDNIGHT
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OUR LIVES ARE A REFLECTION OF OUR CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS CHOICES. WHEN WE DO NOT CHOOSE, WE LIVE BY DEFAULT.........PAIN IS INEVITABLE..... SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
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