Speak Your Mind

bloggin

bossboic — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 01:34:22 GMT

I'm tired of feelin like I'm stuck n a box like I'm only gettin air from da cracks n da box but da not good enuff cuz i cant beathe fa real an cuz i cant take dat deep beath i feel i need to take its jus starts feelin like dat box gettin smaller an small an sooner or later its gone close me up in it an i aint neva gone get out ima jus gone die n dis lil box yea i kno they say the stuggle make u stronger but bout how stonge can a person get when u cant neva get out da box u cant even strech da box so small u jus cramp in dere ya mucsle start to weakin rite? ive been stuck n dis same damn box fa da past 2 yrs everytime i feel like i can break thru one of dese lil cracks to get out sumthin happens an seal da crack rite back up.....
yea my girl kno I'm stress out bout get a job an so i can finish skool an get dis warrent off me she been help me look fa a job an stuff an tellin me dnt stress bout skool an stuff till i ger a job jus worry bout one thing at a time....but i feel like she's da only air i get from bein n dis box but den wen we getin n2 it have our lil fall outs an stuff it like dats da cracks r closed I'm jus n da box hopen i can find anotha crack
.....ppl keep satin i jus need to sit down an think but man ive been thinkin plan an plan an planin but i cant make nutin happen till i get a job to pay fa my stuff i am thankful I'm alive an have her by myside to help me out a lil but fa i fee like if it wasnt fa her id b dead sum where i kno i got family i can always go to but gettin myself together is sumthin i wanna well not even wanna do it sumthin i have do on my own but its like how much of taken care of sumbody can a person take on top of da relationship problems an they own personal problems cuz I'm not together it makes me feel like I'm holdn her back yea we work wit wut we got cuz we love each otha but i feel selfish cuz i kno I'm hold her back...even doe she say she dnt mind waitin an she dnt care its it still bothers me cuz i kno if it wasnt fa me she could have wuteva she want an wouldnt have to save up or wait to get it........iono dats jus how I'm feelin rite now

Forum: Your Very Own Journal

February 4th

fame37 — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 02:38:21 GMT

Aquarius all day!!

Forum: Birthday Bash

killed me

fame37 — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 02:36:00 GMT

My heart lies within this box

this box holds all of my emotions and is locked with a key

only a few people around me can really see, the deep emotion that lies inside of me

im a really deep and cool person, but yes i can be feirce

especially when i feel my heart has been peirced

with a knife dripping my blood and draining my love and pureness

who in the world can cure this but the person who stabbed in the first place

damn.....see at first i loved u, an now i hate you

only because of the shyt we went through

i read you like a book, girl you had me shook

for a min i thought my love is what you took

but wait, it is..can u see it, can u feel it, my life, my heart is beating deep in your hand

so soft, blood so bright, i can see the light, im slipping through your hand like sand

you didn't mean to hurt me, it was just your way of fleeing

but look what u did, u killed a loving and living being.....

Forum: Words, Thoughts, Emotions

in between

fame37 — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 02:33:39 GMT

thinking...

not blinking....

in another world, thinking of things

things i never thought i would

things i never thought i should

things i never thought i could

confused...

not ammused

fiery, pretty fused

very abused, by my emotions

emotions that have me in between....

two loves...

two truths...

two me's.......

would u believe i would be

did you ever ask, when u did see?

no, u let it be, an now im stuck...in between

Forum: Words, Thoughts, Emotions

train wreck

fame37 — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 02:28:25 GMT

im like a train wreck

i wish u would understand

but y wont u let me be ur man: an play my role

y wont u let me take on the hard tolls

y wont u listen to me when i say that i love u

y wont u take leniency of the past i went thru

y are my emotions clashing together

thrashing peices of my heart forever: for which i will never find

see cuz everytime i hurt i get confused an it takes a peice of my mind

my heart is not this irealistic feature of the body

its real as anything else that u can imagine: see

u can touch it thru the love u give it

an u can feel it thru me an receive it in return

for my emotions are clashing becus its u i yern

im turnin an turnin the wheels an pullin the brakes

not wantin to feel being with u was a mistake

see, my heart aches an aches but we still want u

an by we i mean my heart, my soul an my mind

cuz way i see it u was a hard find

so my emotions are clashin an thrashin thru me

becuz u wont open ur eyes an come to see

the love im trying to instill in you, something u wont forget

my emotions are like a train wreck burnin like a cigarette

we cant rewind time or erase past situation

but we can forgive an call us a continuation

im like a train wreck, now put it all into perspect

Forum: Words, Thoughts, Emotions

i let go

fame37 — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 02:11:30 GMT

See there is this girl i let go
you'd think i'd keep her, but did i, no

why because it was situation after situation
the type of situation that causes complication
the type of situation that requires concentration
so the words can come out correctly when its time for reiteration

this girl was "amazing" like kanye west
the type of girl u aint have to test
why, because she was always at ha best

from her nails, fingers and toes
hair kept tight, knew how to rock ha clothes
the type of girl who REAL personaility always shows

her beautiful mind with eyes of passion
her lips so soft, melting is my only reaction
her scent so sweet, she like a suga cone passin

shawty could even cook for a nigga like me...
she was also just as picky as can be
i rememba, Chitlins with hot sauce is the first thing she fed me

the one thing she couldnt do was express to me
the feelings i gave her, i could never see
it was as if she already felt GREAT PAIN, before there was me

so i guess trying so hard with no result led me to quit
but look where i am now, feeling like shyt
tears rolling down my face, just wishing i was lit

i miss her dearly and the pain wont end
and all i been doing is trying to pretend
pretend like nothing is wrong until night time begins

when i reminesce on the stars we once wished upon
when i was with her, all fears and pain was gone

she was my medicine, my drug, my one pure love
we went through the same things, she was my angel from above

if only i could tell ha, i promise i would if i could
and this time id stay an love her like i should

Forum: Words, Thoughts, Emotions

A B*tch I AM NOT

blackgirl — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:20:57 GMT

He switches he's glock and pops

But a b*tch of his I am not

He thinks he can control me

Treat me as it I weren't there

But I know who he is and that he can't bear

I know he's dad forced him into the drug game

& he graduated with honors and moved on to rap fame

But popularly died quick

& he was forced to become an abusive pimp

Treating women as if the werent worth a dime

Loving money that was his only divine

On school grounds looking for new recruits

But he didnt think I'd be the one to give him the boot

See he's used to the one who always says yes

But he's never met a real queen yet

One who knows her worth

& ain't letting no man treat her worse

So if he think he can get away with belittling me, he's got to be crazy

Cause I rather be dead than 2 be someone's b*tch baby.

Forum: Words, Thoughts, Emotions

The World of Me

DivinePoet — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 01:02:35 GMT

                              The Equation!!!

   As I sit here right now in this room covered in emotions I realize that everything in life is complicated. No matter how much one matures age is  just a number but even though I'll be 26 years in 17 days i still have childish ways. When we do the do its always that bedroom boom. You can have it all if you just be patient with me. I'm learning to accept being brand new. Sometimes I just can't believe how long we have been going at perfecting this love we have. I thought nothing was wrong with self but now I see why you wanted to change me. I want us to be closer than life. Baby girl whether you know it or not you are my inner circle. With you i feel so comfortable being in my own skin. When we fought and you said you leaving all I could reply is fukk u right back for leaving and giving up on us. As soon as I say to them she's gone you back saying here i am. lol.. I wanna be ya homeboy. I want you to always remember that i still love you through all the drama and bull. Now as i lay in my bed thinking about you and me i see that the best equation is you plus me and there is no better math.

Forum: Your Very Own Journal

tears of a clown

rhyming_fool — Thur, 02 Apr 2009 18:50:42 GMT

this is who i am & where i be, i saw other cool people doing it & follower that ican sometimes be - i decided to give it a shot...

ENTRY ONE: APRIL 2, 2009

one two three four
one two three four
i have to pray a whole lot
and then i have to pray some more
i got kids running around
causing a ruckus all the time
seems like one like to antagonize
and the other likes to whine
my house is always wrecked
cause living with kids will make that happen
oh yeah i can't forget to feed them
and bathe them
cuz in this ship i am the captain
dirty clothes are piling up
and now they both are needin a bath
and in the midst of running around
like a headless chicken
they both manage to make my laugh
since the weather is nice i think we'll hit the park
cuz neither boy has school
but i gotta keep an eye on both of them
cuz they're attracted to breaking rules
like climbing on things they shouldn't
and doing things that's dangerous
and since i can't bear the thought of them getting hurt
they'll just have to hear me fuss
but all in all my day's going great
cuz i'm doing what daddy's do
and i don't have to do any of this alone
by my side is my precious "boo"
and i am grateful for so many reasons
far too much right hear to list
but i will say this - i love and am loved
and thats the foundation of my bliss
well i gotta run now the kids are yelling
time to put the daddy cape back on
and dance the dance of the family man
no prob - i do this everyday from dusk til dawn

Forum: Your Very Own Journal

been a long time

rhyming_fool — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 04:52:47 GMT

in nature there is rarely seen
among many a wonderful sight
one as awesome as that of family
such as that of birds of flight
where the eggs they are protected
each parent does his share
and when the little ones are born
both mama and papa are there
all of the young are beautiful
not one of them shown favor
each is loved and provided for
all of their needs to savor
for even tho their time is short
the fullest love is given
and their hunger to learn and grow
is strong,
by nature they are driven
until that time arrives
as all times must
when the young will venture off
and test parents trust
in the process that's brought
all things into being
when we shift from knowing
into sightless seeing
that all will be well
just as it always was
just as everthing did
as everything always does
its the way of the world
this thing we call life
though we all love the day
we still appreciate the night
so this is the tale; a young bird
of the nest
who flew away for a time
and a time
to do his best
one who travelled the world
many sights he beheld
with a dream in his breast
of a great story he'd one day tell
tales of joy and of pain
and of sun & of rain
tales of friend and foe,
and how oddly things changed

how he befriended and man
and tho he with caution he tread
how slowly he trusted
and how the signs were misread
and tho the encounter
was fruitful
and much joy was gained
in the end came the end
which was an end filled with pain
as the bond that developed
developed and went awry
when the human that he met
he met one day with tears in his eyes
and for reasons that elude
the young human had lashed out
and struck out at the young bird
and then the sun was blotted out
for a time the baby bird
thought that life was gone forever
was it an end to the skies
and sights and sounds and of the weather
there was much pain and disarray
as time slowly healed and corrected
and restored strength and life to the baby bird
and returned to him direction
now the prodigal son tries to find his way home
to the comfort and knowing of his once loving fold
and many lessons now learned
of the dangers of life
but the most important to the baby bird was that
for love he risk it all again
twice.

Forum: Words, Thoughts, Emotions

Between You and I

DivinePoet — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 02:51:02 GMT

Sweet Chemistry

It's your eyes in which I gaze

Waitin &wantin to cherish you for dayzIt's upon your lips I kiss

That I realize forever I'll endure thisIt's the touch of your hot body

Makes my soul all hot and sweaty

It's tha mask I wear that yet hides tha fear

Tha pain I discard for ma you have my heartit's the beautiful smile you give

Sexy forever I want this love to live

Forum: Your Very Own Journal

The Soul of a Poet

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 06:25:31 GMT

Well..POETRI, I am back and I really feel like this is where I need to be..I've held in so much lately that I must release the tension and empty my self..so here goes me..I recently realized after being utterly pissed off by my biological family that I have always pretended to be this strong, hard individual that has her disability under control, well the parts I can control..that is but truth is I have none and my skin isnt as tough as it should be, God wanted me the way I am, therefore I am. I was talking to my cousin the other night and she told me the only reason I am gay is because I am afraid to let males in and I had it stuck in my head that a woman would be the only one to love me despite the wheelchair. That was her 2 cents about my life and why I have been down but truth is, I like what I like and I dont like what I dont like. God loves me no less than the ones who judge me for the way I live. Regradless of that is not the COMPLETE reason for my depression... There comes a point when one emotionally has had enough and it over takes them. I am overwhelmed and stressed, fragile but not broken, Open yet closed, I need to free my soul and it is then when I'll find true love within me...

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY...

To those who celebrate it

I personally dont like this holiday for a number of reasons but ion, dats just me..its just a normal day ta me...

Im headed 2 Bed 4 the nite..Later

Forum: Your Very Own Journal

~Life~

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 02:30:48 GMT

WOW..The last couple of days have truly shaped me into a new person. I lost some, who I thought to be REAL ASS FAMILY members but they were just hatin..much luck to them! I fed my curiousities only for them to be thrown back at me, man I hate when folks get they self in stuff and then cop out! But I am learning so much about myself and my true friends. It's so weird how one day you can have everything under control and suddenly your life just changes..no warnings..and its just YOU left to pick up the pieces and move on. I am so thankful for the people in my life right now..my momma, my 3 bruddahs and my bestfriend..dats all I need. I must say though...2009 is about me! I cant change the people or the situation but I can change to either ignore it or deal with it and 99% of it isn't worth my time or stress....I am on GROWN WOMAN STATUS

Forum: Your Very Own Journal

what little i can tell......

poesiaespanola — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 21:24:28 GMT

one of the only things i know about myself is that i was born. to be exact, february the 18th, 1993. no hospital, no time, no memories of much. i know my mother, and that's really all i remember about my birth....i do remember that i've been shipped to as many foster homes as i could count on one hand (how fortunate). i never lasted with one family, mostly the reason was that they could never afford to keep me.i remember one lady, though. her name was joyce johnson. she had a good government job and she thought i was sooooo cute...*brownie points 4 bein a cute baby!!!* anyway, she took me home with her and she became my mother officially when i was about 8 (or 9?)......this aint one o them cute adoption stories where the kid becomes the happiest most grateful people in the world..i dont think its ever like that....

i was enveloped in church since i can remember...the only unfortunate thing that came from that was Dante. he was in high school when i was 7, the son of one of my mom's best church friends. the church was definitely not in him. simply put, he molested me,whenever he could. wasnt many times, but it etched venom into my soul all the same. (i never do have good relationships with guys, ive noticed....) but during that time i was overenveloped in my mother's love, constantly bombarded by doctors visits and the question, "has anyone ever touched you down there before?", which i of course denied. but there were frequent visits with my brother and sister, both of whom had been taken in by family. i loved those visits with damar and tiara, aunt daphne and uncle freddie. 2 tell the truth i never really remember much about meeting my siblings,sadly. they were just there. i remember my oldest brother, deonte lived with "aunt Terri". the only other people i remember are tamika and corey, who are supportive of me to this day along with my three siblings, damar, tiara, and deonte (did i mix anyone up?). Then my 'mom' met joseph hawkins and they got married *yay*....theyve been 2gether 7 years. umm.....a few years ago i had to get a therapist (didnt see that one comin, did ya).

i had been feeling suicidal and was kinda tired of life. thats the best way i can explain it though. idk, i just always feel like im moseyin along, letting life beat me up in every way possible. and on top of that, my grandma died. there was so much family at the funeral, i got angry wondering why none of them would take me and my siblings in. but apparently there was some underlying secret that was sposed to make me change my mind and help me realize why these loving people couldnt just split us among them and we could still be together (u do know im being sarcastic?) and then i began to realize, my siblings and i dont have the same parents. no one had told me this, so i was at some picnic thinkin that damar's father was my father. and then i asked around...."no tiara's father isnt your father either"...and then i just gave up looking for him in crowds. why would he care now? he hasnt cared in 15 years, why does it matter? im here now, at a good school where im hardly applying myself, surrounded by people who love me to death, but for some reason im just not receptive...*GO FIGURE*..although now ive healed partially from some pain i dont even know the cause of (cool down) and hopefully i'll grow to be the young lady i see my sister as. i love what she's become, even if sometimes she doesnt love it herself. id follow her wherever, whenever..i just cant follow her to cali yet. thats my life, i guess...now im off to drink my hot chocolate...isnt adoption grand??

Forum: What is Your Story?

The Truth inside of Me

Misunderstood — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 00:43:14 GMT

What is the truth really? Is it something that you feel or something that you know? Does everyone know the truth? Or does it only show up when you are forced to make a decision that could change your life forever. The truth inside of me is that I really don't know that truth and this is so hard for me to admit. Hard for me to sit and read my thoughts as though I was an outsider looking in. Hard for me to see that I am really MISUNDERSTOOD. What more do people want from me? Better yet, the question should be what more do I want for myself? So many questions, and still no answers. So many paths, but none of them lead me to a new place. What is this new place? A place where I can be free from judgment, free from stereotypes, free from anger and most importantly, free from myself.

Forum: Your Very Own Journal

Speak Your Mind

bloggin

February 4th

killed me

in between

train wreck

i let go

A B*tch I AM NOT

The World of Me

tears of a clown

been a long time

Between You and I

The Soul of a Poet

~*Life~*

what little i can tell......

The Truth inside of Me

~Life~